The Music Died.

So much to say, so little time!:)
Every day, day after day, I go into work with a sense of doom. I'll listen to music in my bedroom, and then in the car on my way into work to get motivated, and with no music to guide my day, I find alot of times I'll simply go to youtube, and find a song that I like, and It'll play in my head usually all day long. Thus the reason for the song a day each time on my blog. Music is my inspiration.

I suggested to a friend long ago, before this blog was created that I wondered how cool it would be to look back at a persons life with a song a day and a story, and recently experienced the nostalgia affiliated with this idea, because I've been doing it since. Reading through some old posts, reminded me of so much of my life and experiences that I had no need for a song this morning.

American Pie in my head, and the feeling of loss associated with knowing that you have lost someone very special in friendship or love, of which I have lost much of, I was guided to work with a sense of purpose. Following my life coach, I descided to write today and get everything off my chest that has been bothering me, so I'm here.

It's just you and me, empty blog space, and I am gonna make this good, cause this is what they call closure. Or Growth. Take your pick.

When I have been ousted, I consider it a blow to my ego, and so the last few weeks, ego guiding me, I've been making terrible mistakes and doing to other people what I would consider unforgivable if in the situation myself. I have felt guilty though.

So I went on facebook, and wrote a simple note that I can access from my newly acquired Blackberry. The nightmare device that I bought with the intent of preventing two people from chatting. Now I know there is a fat chance of that happening. They will chat, hell they might even meet for coffee, or fuck?.

... Then I realized that if Karma has a hand in it, my feelings of happiness will end with that scenario anyway, so let that Bitch (Karma) roll. Go Bitch Go! I figure, I am not letting ego guide me. Nope. I am not money, or my job, or this blog, or my friends, or anything. I am ME. The me writing this retarded little note that nooone will read anyway! But I don't care! I am not my Ego, dying to be recognized for my writing abilities and have fans swooning my site. Well, ok, in all fairness, that would be nice! That is not the PURPOSE of this blog.

I finally figured out the purpose, and when it hit me I literally stopped dead in my tracks. It's so that when I am gone, whether it be drowned in the bathtub, over a cliff, or cancer in old age, there is a record of my life, and the people I loved.

This is what I wrote this morning;

There are subtle, and not so subtle differences between Ego and confidence that people should be aware of. The reason I am mentioning this in a note is this... Everyone wants to be noticed, loved, and appreciated, however, the ego self in some people, myself included, gets out of control! Sometimes a reminder is required of the body language in yourself that displays an egotistical version of self.

Check your body...

Ego uses the mouth a lot, the ears a little.
Confidence uses the ears a lot, the mouth a little.

Confidence uses the knees and hips sometimes to kneal down when where needed,
Ego doesn't.

Both have strong backbones, but Confidence's can bend sometimes as needed,
Ego's is unbending and sometimes must find out how brittle it really is.

Ego's hands are hard and cold like steel and often can hurt others
Confidence's are firm, but always wrapped in velvet gloves and ready to help hold others rather than crush them.

And what they do....
Ego talks about doing, but does little, and when ego indeed does something it's usually just for self only.
Confidence talks little about doing, but rather does a lot, and when confidence does things usually many benefit.

Ego frequently seeks praise of men.
Confidence knows the true reward is elsewhere.

It's pretty amazing when you start to realize the errors in behavior that hold a person back. Never again, will I let any man diminish me, and the differences between the ego and confidence are now burned into my memory for eternity.